


Le froid, la peur ne sont que des mirages (The cold, the fear aren't but mirages)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Established Relationship, Fights, Jealousy, M/M, Rain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15020111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Yamada was standing in front of the couch.He stared at Daiki, who was sitting on it; he stared at him dead serious, embittered.The elder, on his part, was avoiding looking at him.His eyes were staring into space, his arms were crossed and he looked like he didn’t want to argue at all, but was forced to do that.





	Le froid, la peur ne sont que des mirages (The cold, the fear aren't but mirages)

Yamada was standing in front of the couch.

He stared at Daiki, who was sitting on it; he stared at him dead serious, embittered.

The elder, on his part, was avoiding looking at him.

His eyes were staring into space, his arms were crossed and he looked like he didn’t want to argue at all, but was forced to do that.

“Daiki?” Yamada called him, asking for his attention.

“What is it?” he murmured, annoyed without wanting to show it openly.

“What is it?” the younger replied, incredulous, his eyes wide open. “Nothing. I just wanted you to tell me what’s gotten into you, since all of a sudden you’ve started attacking me for...” he started, but the other interrupted him, standing up quickly and getting in front of him.

“I didn’t attack you, Ryosuke. I merely pointed out something which bothers me, that’s all. If you’ve felt attacked, then it must mean you feel guilty.” he alluded, crossing his arms again and looking haughty, as if waiting for an explanation.

Yamada bit his lip, frowning.

“I’ve got nothing to feel guilty about, _Daiki_. I thought that you could’ve understood the situation, and that you wouldn’t be so pointlessly paranoid, but apparently I’ve overestimated you.” he told him, trying to put as much malice in his voice as the other had.

The latter scoffed, shaking his head.

“What’s there to understand, Ryo? Should I understand that you have fun acting like this with Yuto? Should I understand that you care so little of me that you can't even pretend you’re not flirting?” he took a deep breath, looking straight into his eyes. “Maybe you don’t realize what it means having to stay there and look at you while you act like you’re his who....”

“Is that really what you think?” Yamada asked, without letting him finish his sentence, unwillingly to hear what he had to say, feeling hurt enough already. “Do you really think it’s funny for me, when I told you dozens of times that it doesn’t mean anything, that it’s just fan service?” he sighed, feeling close to crying. “I know that you’re there watching, and I know you can't help it. I'm sorry about it, but I'm even more sorry to think that your trust in me is so low to think Yuto’s a threat.” he finished, lowering his eyes on the floor, sure that if he had kept looking the elder into his eyes he would've burst out crying.

He hated the whole situation, he hated the way Daiki was looking at him, he hated his despise and the way it made him feel.

And yet he knew it, he knew Yuto was his friend, he knew there was nothing between them.

Ryosuke couldn’t understand why he was doubting, but whatever it was it made him feel bad.

“It’s not Yuto I consider a threat, Ryo. It’s you.” the elder specified, breathing deeply before going on, as if he was trying to decide if he was going to regret it. “You say it’s just fan service, that it doesn’t mean anything and that I have to trust you, but haven’t you always done this? I've kept quiet when it was Yuri, and when you had fun sniffing around him, but I've grown tired of it. If you need attentions, I'm here for that. What should it prove to me, the fact that you search for them from others, if not that apparently there’s something which is not enough for you in me?” he said, vehemently, feeling more and more irritated as he went on talking, feeling all the frustration he had felt for years surface.

He saw a few tears on Yamada’s face, and the younger drying them up harshly.

He felt guilty in seeing him cry, but he wasn’t going to cave. He couldn’t take it anymore to just watch while he saw him grow farther, while he saw other people’s hands on him, while he heard conjectured that didn’t have a reason to be.

“Is this really what you think? That I do this because I have some need for attentions that you can't satisfy?” Ryosuke murmured, giving in to sadness, looking disappointed in him.

Daiki nodded, sighing for the look on his boyfriend’s face.

“Well... if that’s what you think there’s no reason for me to be here.” Yamada went on, and he kept still for a moment after that, wanting to give Daiki time to reply, to ask him to stay, and being even more disappointed when the other kept quiet instead.

He grabbed his jacket and headed toward the front door, hesitating when he put a hand on the handle.

He was still waiting, but if he was hoping for the elder to cave he was disappointed again.

He got out, and when he was out of Daiki’s sight he burst out crying.

It took Arioka a while, instead, to realize Ryosuke was gone.

He hadn't liked the way that gesture had made him feel, nor hearing him cry, but he knew that once the levee had broken there was no helping it.

He loved Ryo. He had been in love with him since they were kids, he had struggled to have him, and feeling his efforts annulled like this frustrated him, always.

And where his mind told him that Ryosuke loved him too, that he was the only one for him, his heart gave in to uncertainty, and made him see things that weren’t there, convincing him that their forever didn’t exist, that the younger was going to grow tired of him, that he was going to find someone who could truly make him happy.

It was a thought that went through his mind from time to time, and it was almost unbearable for him.

He sat on the couch, staring into space, trying not to think about the fact that it was late, that he didn’t know where Ryo was going, that he felt guilty because he had been the one pushing him away.

He sighed, brushing a hand over his face, feeling a migraine coming, and it was then that he saw a lightning outside the window, followed by a thunder.

He cursed.

He twisted his hands, while his mind kept subjecting him to images of his boyfriend with Yuto, the lewd way he looked at him, the way he touched him and let the other touch him, and he told himself that even if it meant nothing that kind of behaviour belittled what he felt for him.

He kept repeating himself that, and he kept worrying about him.

But in the end he couldn’t keep fighting against his pride and he got up, running toward the entrance and getting out, slamming the door behind him.

While the elevator brought him to the hall, his mind ran, and kept trying to understand how far Ryo might’ve actually gotten.

But once he got out the building, he found out that all his lucubration had been perfectly useless.

He was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed and his eyes low on the sidewalk.

It looked like he hadn't even realized it was pouring rain, and he kept still, soaking wet from head to toe.

He was far enough that Daiki couldn’t see if he was crying or not.

He took a few steps toward him before the younger raised his eyes on him, averting them right after and frowning.

“What do you want?” he asked, harsh, tightening his arms around himself.

“It’s raining, Ryo. It’s cold, let’s just go back home before you get a fever, please.” he asked, getting closer and softly putting a hand on his waist, save being pushed away immediately.

“I wouldn’t want to impose my presence. You know, since looking at me reminds you that I’m a whore.”

“No.” Daiki stopped him. “I'm sorry about what I said, I'm sorry I hurt you.  And I'm sorry because I don’t really think those things, I...” he sighed, biting his lips and standing in front of him, his hands firm on his shoulders. “I know it’s fan service, I know you don’t mean anything bad and I know you love me. I do Ryo, really. It’s just that I'm scared. I’m freaking scared that one day you may realize I'm not enough for you, and that’s why I reacted like that.” he murmured.

He didn’t look Yamada in the eyes anymore, he didn’t want to know how the younger had taken that admission.

He almost didn’t realize, so, when Ryosuke brought his hands to his face, pulling him closer and kissing him.

Daiki kept still for a few seconds, the time necessary to elaborate what was going on, before kissing him back.

He felt Ryosuke’s arms around his neck, pulling him even closer against him, and so Daiki grabbed his hips and pushed him against the wall, both of them unaware of the rain which kept hitting them, both of them searching each other as if they hadn't been together in days.

And Arioka felt a little like that.

Once gotten that weight off his shoulders it was like he saw Ryosuke under a different light, it was like he wanted to have him this close to remind himself of who it was the person he had fallen in love with years before.

And he opened his lips, searching for his tongue, basking in the taste of his mouth, of his body tight against him, only source of warmth under the freezing rain, of the texture of his flesh under his fingers, and he really felt a whole new man.

They stopped after a few minutes to catch their breath, and they both smiled.

Daiki looked at Ryo, he looked at the raindrops trapped between his eyelashes, pretending to ignore they were tears, he looked at his smile and the way the water made his hair stick to his face, framing it.

He found him beautiful, and he told himself he had caved to that beauty a long time ago just like he was now.

He couldn’t possibly be mad at him, not for his paranoia.

He was beautiful, and he belonged to him.

That awareness made him feel incredibly happy, so much that he couldn’t stop smiling.

Ryosuke looked at him and laughed about his expression, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers, caressing him softly.

“You could’ve at least brought an umbrella, since you had run here to save me from the rain.” he told him chuckling.

“You could’ve at least stood under the awning.” he replied, but they both kept still, looking at each other.

“You know you don’t have to be afraid, don’t you?” Yamada told him after a while. “I'm yours, and that’s never going to change, not for all the fan service in the world. It’s with you that I want to spend the rest of my life.”

He blushed while saying that, but he looked so confident despite it that Daiki could do nothing but hug him, kissing his forehead.

He was about to answer, when he heard the younger sneeze.

He smiled, nodding toward the main door.

“Let’s go back, come on. I bet you’ve caught a cold out here in the rain.” he scolded him tenderly, messing with his wet hair.

Ryosuke shrugged, following him.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re going to take care of me.” he said, getting inside.

Daiki kept still for a moment, then he smiled and followed.

Yes, he was there to take care of Ryo. No one else.

And he was going to be there forever.


End file.
